The dread

It happens every time. I go in for juicing, then set the date for the next one and work my diary around that. As the date approaches, I am filled with dread that won't go away. I hate the juicings. I hate the needles. Most of all I hate the side effects that always happen. But I have no choice; I have to just push myself and do it.

Had to have a couple of blood tests in the last two weeks. Those are relatively easy to procrastinate by a few days, but eventually I have to do them. They actually weren't so bad - good operators who do the small talk to distract me as I stare up at the ceiling. And afterwards, it doesn't seem as bad as the anticipation warranted. But that doesn't reduce it at all.

I have to consciously push out those feelings of dread as the juicing day approaches. I have my little rituals: go in to the office for a quiet cup of tea before taking a taxi to the hospital. Take it easy afterwards and usually book a massage for the afternoon, and reserve the next day or so as rest. Does it help? Who knows. Does it reduce my anxiety and dread? Sadly, no.

So off we go again tomorrow.