the analyst

I am an analyst. No, I don't work as an analyst, say for an investment company or an IT firm, Rather, I am an analyst. It's what I am, and it's what I do. All the time. Everything around me is the subject of constant analysis - what is going on and why. Cause and effect. How things work and why.

Had a swimming lesson the other day (it's a long story). Not enough to just take the instructor's word regarding the correct way to do things, but I had to understand why they are correct - the physics or dynamics of the swimming form, and why it works. Once I did, the learning stuck much better, because I knew why I had to keep my head down; why my head movements to come up for breath had to be a certain way.

I enjoyed simultaneous equations in school. N variables and N equations. Didn't matter how many there were; as long as there the number of variables equalled the number of equations, exactly one solution could be found. That's what I like. Determinism. That's why I enjoyed the sciences, and despised the humanities. The latter were so wishy-washy, and there was no way you could know your answers were correct. That's probably why my main business runs computer systems that perform millions of complex billing calculations every month on behalf of our clients.

Now, I am living in a world of non-deterministic MMN. There is no direct or simple cause and effect. There is only fuzzyness.

Yesterday, for the first time in at least a year, the pain in my right wrist subsided, and I was able to put pressure on it (like when doing a push-up). So, a full month after starting treatment, it does seem to have helped, with significant restoration of strength in both the hand and wrist. I look forward to my next appointment where some objective tests will be applied. Also keen to see if my leg spin bowling is any better.

The side effect issue still sits there. Having returned from my holiday, it seems the absence of headaches may be related to being in a calm and relaxed environment (pity I can't stay there all the time). Will pick up another large box of nurofen and panadol before we go away again for another week tomorrow.

good therapy

Important discovery: being on holiday in a fine resort is good for you! Very relaxing over here; side effects have mostly subsided, with the occasional headache. Certainly it seems the quiet over here helps. There is definitely more strength in my hand. Still some pain and weakness, particularly around the wrist. Every day brings different sensations around different parts of my right hand. Cramps in my calves are far less frequent. I'm thinking of developing some of my own objective tests of muscle strength and the like, so I can get a better sense of whether and how the juice works.

Still need to do some further research into the side effects. It seems the extent of mine are not so common. Next visit to the Neurologist is in a couple of weeks, so that should be an interesting discussion. In the meantime, best to make the best of my time away.

relaxing in the sun

Daily ritual for the last 6 days: wake up and take some pain and nausea meds. That has typically been enough to set me right for the day. There does appear to be some increased strength in my right hand, which is a little encouraging. Today, the headache was there early in the morning, but subsided. Wrist is especially sore today, but I'm not going to bother with medication (yet).

The last few days on holiday in the Sunshine Coast have been quite relaxing. Am especially looking forward to today: the younger kids are all going away on an excursion or being taken care of, so it's spa day for myself and my wife.

Probably the malaise most affecting me at this stage is "over analysis". I'm an analytical person at the best of times, always thinking, and needing to understand what is happening and why. So trying to work out what is a symptom, or a side effect, or a result of getting away from the daily grind, is almost impossible.

Before I started the initial IVIG treatment, I decided to visit a Traditional Chinese medicine (TCM) practitioner for an alternative diagnosis. Even at that stage, the thought of having regular infusions was very unattractive, so having someone else look at the problem before any treatment and give an opinion seemed like a good idea.

The practitioner told me I had an enlarged liver, that I didn't get enough sleep (correct), and that this was partly because I went to bed each night with too many unfinished things on my plate (he was right about a lot of unfinished things). To TCM people, it's about energy flows within the body. He had found a blockage, and before I could even thank him for the diagnosis, he launched into some initial treatment. I didn't go beyond that, because I am determined to try one thing at a time so as to understand what does and doesn't work.

Here is the paradox: I will accept a formal diagnosis from a western doctor based on blood work and diagnosting imaging, despite the fact that they don't know the cause of the condition, don't have a cure, and don't know why or how the treatment works. Yet with the TCM practitioner, I demand to know the link between his diagnosis and the symptoms - needing him to justify himself. It does seem that our western society trusts medical practitioners despite so many unknowns surrounding much of their work.

Today's challenge: forget all about it while I attempt to detox my body in the sauna, melt away in the spa and at the massage table, and immerse myself in a good crime novel. For me, that's an formula that is empirically proven to work.